footy on ice

A Larger View of Your Product

2009-02-22T19:39:00.000-08:00

Good news

2008-12-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

In 2000, the Clontarf Football Academy was set up to encourage Aboriginal lads to stay in school while also honing their football skills.

My understanding is quite a few players have been drafted from the 23 academies that currently run in WA and the Territory.

In a move that's surprised everyone, the Federal Government has just announced a $10 million grant, which will allow nine more schools to open, as well as the expansion of several existing.

1500 kids currently benefit from this. Not an insignificant number, but one that's now set to increase.

Kate Ellis, you champ.

My brother works in a remote community. According to him, the natural flair a lot of these kids have is amazing.

Oh. And it looks like Richmond are going to take Ben Cousins. Boo. Sorry to end on a low.

In summary

2008-10-08T08:40:00.001-07:00

The West Coast have lost Ashley Hansen.

I laugh.

Next year is the year of the Fremantle!

Mmmm. Deja vu...

collingwood in great form

2008-08-06T05:04:00.000-07:00

I know footballers aren’t smart.

They don’t have to be.

They have to be good at football.

But how fucken hard is it not to drink and drive when you earn 400 grand a year.

Catch a fucken taxi.

I understand why the odd student does it, no money, maybe even when a poor unfortunate guy does it, but when you earn more in one year than most people spend on a house you have lost the plot .

Get pre paid cab vouchers.

Hire a driver.

Get a horny star gazing girl to drive you.

There are plenty of options.

But Heath Shaw, like a lot of footballers thought fuck it.

And he was at the Gebung (a vile place full of people I despise) which is a long way from where ever he lives in the northern suburbs.

Alan Didak was worse though, unless he has moved, he doesn’t live more than 15 minutes walk from the geebung.

He could have easily walked home.

So now he attacks taxi drivers, hitches a ride with a killer, and lies to his club about traffic accidents.

But from a football point of view can Collingwood afford to lose him.

Another club will pick him up, so why are they better served to “turn him around” than Collingwood.

Well Sydney probably is, look at the great job they have done with big bad.

I need a drink.

the bench is in form

2008-05-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

I would like to congratulate the AFL on the new interchange rule.

For several reasons really.

One, no one likes it, and I like seeing coaches so angry a vein might pop.

Two, it is humorous to watch stewards try and hold back charging young stallions.

Three, for finding a way to stop so many interchanges whilst pretending this is about the 19 man saga.

It’s genius, the AFL have managed to slow down interchanges, all the while pretending to make sure the basic fundamentals of 18 vs 18 is maintained.

Personally I am not sure why interchanges needed to be slowed down.

It will eventually reach a plateau, and we will get used to it.

Some people are worried that the marquee match ups are lost in football because of interchanges.

I can’t speak for more than one other person when I say that the marquee match ups I see are the key position ones, and they are still there.

I grew up on Langford V Sticks, Carey V Jakovich, Silvagni V Lockett etc…

I can’t remember Shaw V Williams, Harvey v Crawford, Riccutio V Voss.

Mid field match ups are almost impossible to keep an eye on.

And they are almost never one on one.

Shaw played on Williams a lot, but they were both under the pack, how am I supposed to pick up the subtle nature of that match up from the top of the Olympic stand.

Perhaps for people in the comfort of press box with binoculars on you could see underneath those packs, but for the rest of us we were watching the contest, and wondering how many sticks would kick on gayfer.

I love lots of interchanges, because it means I get to see Rhyce Shaw coming off the ground two and three times a quarter, and that can’t be bad.

One job Johns!!!!!!!!

2008-05-06T05:31:00.000-07:00

I would like to thank Matthew Knights for giving me the inspiration to pull on the boots for the first time since I played Under 16's for Cobden, because if Courtney Johns can get a game in the AFL, anyone can.

I could right a whole blog on the absolute waste of space he is, but I would like to point out one opportunity he could have made a difference in the pathetic period of time we call his "football career."

Early in the second quarter on Anzac Day, Essendon were keeping up the Collingwood at least on the scoreboard when the ball was kicked to the Members Wing to Scott Pendlebury. Johns ran from behind and had the opportunity to put Pendlebury into another stratoshpere (please remember Johns is built like a brick $hithouse) by knocking him out. But, the moron laid a small bump on Pendelbury, gave away a 50m penalty, Pendlebury passed the ball to Medhurst who kicked the goal and the game was over.

Here was a chance for Johns to do something for the club - reward us all for the $hit we have had to put up with in watching the dumb ba$tard disgrace the red and black. But NO, he stuffed up again and let the side down. Pendlebury went on to have 31 posessions and ended up second on the voting for the Anzac Day Medal

Whilst te bloke with the turning circle of the "Queen of the Neatherlands", is playing, there's hope for every half-wit dud like myself. Now fu(k off Johns and give a young kid a go!!!!!

the bulge

2008-05-03T05:13:00.000-07:00

Football has a new system to overcome.

Brian Taylor called it the jigger.

Gerard Healy called it something I’ve already forgotten.

And when Stuart Dew was part of it, it looked like the bulge.

The Hawks have won 7 on the trot with this corridor defying form of football.

Like flooding before it, it makes the other team look like a bunch of old dudes looking for the bus.

Today the pies repeatedly found themselves going around the boundary line, with a lack of skill.

Occasionally their bumbling boundary like plan worked, but not often.

They then reverted to a run and gun style of football.

Trying to run the ball at the bulge and pop it over the top.

They didn’t get a lot of pop.

Most of the time they got confused and coughed the ball up.

So far Clarkson has a system that works, but the season is oh so young.

As a Collingwood supporter I have seen two systems from coaches get wins early in the season.

Tony Shaw with his set plans, and all that jazz won four of six with a dreadful team before we all realised he wasn’t a coach.

And Mick baffled teams in 2002 with a system where one midfielder sits 10 meters behind the pack at stoppages.

Both of these plans worked, until they didn’t and football was played again.

Problem is with Hawthorn, they have a team that can actually play football, and by the time people have worked out to beat this they will already be entrenched in the top four.

Another crap year to write off

2008-04-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

The season's not going well.

Would nine seconds have made the difference? Unlikely, but it's still a legitimate cause for complaint.

They're still lame-o for getting it to that point when they'd started off so well. My family were watching the delayed telecast and I was watching the online updates. And naturally they didn't want to be spoiled, so I had to die in silence. Most unfortunate. I was sad, to say the least.

Even my tipping crashed and burned. I started poorly, then got six for a few weeks consecutively. But now I'm back to two. It's not good.

I can't even preempt the crapness. It's strange because it's been a while since Freo have done quite so poorly, and because West Coast were usually in the four, I was always reasonably familiar with the top 10.

But now. Nuh. Wouldn't have a clue really. Who's there, who isn't. We only hear about the bottom four battling it out for the wooden spoon.

Which I'd personally like to deliver to the Eagles' nest.

My only solace is our position on the table is higher than West Coast's. Small solace, but solace all the same.

Fremantle can do it. They just don't.

Matthew Knights - No good

2008-04-26T05:29:00.000-07:00

Earlier on this very blog Matthew Knights was discussed as a future great coach.

Sure it was said in tongue and cheek, but it was still said, and it needs a rebuttal.

Matthew Knights is as a bad a coach as I have seen, and I saw Tony Shaw regularly.

Sure this is based on one game, but what a shocking coaching display it was.

Firstly at selection, which granted as a young coach may not be all his fault, he selects a top heavy side to play on a side who has lost one key tall to injury, and another one that is severely doubtful.

Secondly, in getting his match ups right. I understand that his side was top heavy, but in what world would Johns on Pendlebury or Michael on Lockyer make sense.

Thirdly, game plan. Collingwood has succumbed to teams who have flooded their forward line. Dustin Fletcher sitting 40 metres out without Rocca to slam into him would have been hard to get around, even for Medhurst. Playing man on man against collingwood’s forward line is always tough, but its much harder when you’re a crap team.

Fourthly, McPhee and Johns. Actually in the team, what is the point.

After 3 quarters of football I am willing to say that Matthew Knights won’t last.

Hopefully that won’t bite me on the ass in ten years time.

denton's yellow shoes

2008-04-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

It doesn’t feel like a football season until a player gets caught pissing in public.

Luckily this year we got the double dose.

That is special.

Footballers enjoy a good piss in public, it helps with hard ball gets.

But Wayne Carey, the guy from the Chuck Norris post did the most amount of pissing in public ever when he jumped onto Andrew Denton’s show.

We all wanted Wayne to say one thing “ I am Sorry, but I was born a ©unt and will die a ©unt”.

Simple.

Eloquent.

Beautiful.

Instead we got the run around, the family excuse and all the mumbo jumbo his publicist could fit into his thick skull.

I don’t mind a footballer pissing in public, but when he gets it on Denton’s shoes it’s a bit much.

The Scar

2008-03-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

Although I can't speak for the current Collingwood player group, there might be some truth in Vossy's accusation in The Age that perhaps the scars of the '03 Grand Final - a 50-point win for the greatest team of the modern era, Brisbane, over heavily-favored Collingwood - still linger.

All I know is this: The scar still is evident for some Pie supporters.

Having said that, I'm not really sure if last night's game was really that big in terms of the Lions-Pies rivalry, because the cast of characters from those two GF's compared to today's teams are largely differnt.

However, there are unconfirmed - but highly reliable - rumors that Rhyce Shaw has an empty room in his house, one that he sits in often, evidently in the darkest corner, in a fetal position, whispering "Where's Lynchy?"

A new tipping strategy

2008-03-27T04:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided that until I can balance my tipping out to an average of at least fifty per cent, I will mostly tip the home teams.

Last week I was placed 3637th out of 3708. Yes, don't all congratulate me at once.

So here are my not-so-expert tips for round two.

Brisbane, Bulldogs, Adelaide, Saints, Freo, Sydney, Geelong, Richmond. As you can see, the only away side is the Western Bulldogs (who define 'away' differently to this West Aussie anyway) but is it any wonder?

Anyway, this week it's the Dockers' turn. And I think I might go to the game, so they'd better put on a damn good show for me. My post-match write-up will have such an impact on their next home game attendance that they won't want to screw it up.

I noticed that this post-Easter edition of the Record they seem to be going for a Resurrection Special-style. It features Fraser Gehrig on the cover......doing a fair impersonation of Jesus and altogether looking more respectable than the Fraser we all knew and found rather creepy.
This photo does no justice to that mullet, and the general festiness of Fraser Gehrig of yesteryear. Still, it's all that I could find. I suppose the St Kilda PR people trawled the world wide web to remove all the festy photos. And rightly so, small children can access the internet.

Footy tipping blues

2008-03-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

Footy tipping has never been a strong point of mine, which is why I've decided that each week I will provide my tips, and I advise you to do the exact opposite in order to succeed.

In fact, for round one, I got two correct. Is it a coincidence that I tipped West Coast to win and my own team, Fremantle to lose? Is that logic or a lack of faith manifesting itself as some sort of psychic awareness? Or just bloody obvious in a blind-Freddie-would-have-seen-that fashion?

I've heard a lot of reasons over the years as to why Fremantle are such a nonentity. It's the anchor around their necks. It's Chris Connelly. It's their lame song. It's Damian Drum. It's the colour purple.

Whether it's because of their fashion choices, taste in music or their coaching staff, they have to have a good season any year now, and while I hope it's this one, I have strong reservations.

Last Saturday they performed their favourite party trick for all of Melbourne (who are still to be convinced of their existence, quite like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot) to see, keeping up and looking good for three quarters and then dropping dead in the fourth. It's a habit now? It's in the mind you say? That is an England-poor excuse and bollocks to that.

They just need to run a few more laps, and when it's raining they should train in the rain. Unless they really would melt, and that would be quite embarrassing for all at Dockerland.

It's still strange seeing cutie-pie whathisname... ... ... ...Paul Medhurst, that's the one, in the black and white. Apparently Chris Tarrant is quite attractive, but I haven't noticed yet. I was too busy watching young Jeffrey in the pocket.

Now, Collingwood and Fremantle will next meet in Round 22 at Subi Oval (yes, I know, they're actually going to leave Melbourne. I too was shocked). And I'm gonna call it for the home team.

In the meantime there are 20 rounds of goodness, in which, one week at a time, the Dockers are going to prove my reservations wrong... right? Right!?

collingwood defeat freo even with shaun mcmanus playing another brilliant game

2008-03-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

Today Collingwood played some odd football and beat the freo dockers.

You remember them, they are the team who play very well for a side that take 21 players and Shaun McManus into battle every week.

The game itself was nothing to write home about.

The freo mid field was slow, because the freo mid field is slow.

The pies mid field were quick and erratic, because…

Anthony Rocca threw his weight around and Mark Harvey did his best to not put the most logical option of Luke McPharlin on him.

Shane Wakelin’s carbon footprint was offset by the fact Tarrant didn’t use much fuel.

Mark Johnson proved that he is 30 year old in a 56 year olds body.

Where is Kepler Bradley?

Pavlich got tested by a debutante.

Cameron Wood proved he is already the pies best ruck man, even if he got puffe easily.

Josh Fraser got out marked by Peter Bell in the goal square, part of me was happy to see that.

Sean Rusling knocked his shoulder out again, and his career is disappearing quicker than one of his leads.

But most importantly my team beat Miss fields team, now if we can just beat the dons, and the bears this season is going to be less painful.

Why the Bombers can't beat North

2008-03-21T02:50:00.000-07:00

For those unaware, it has been seven long years since Essendon has beaten the North Melbourne Club. They are the only side since we last played in the "big one in 01" that we are yet to beat - and it frustrates the absolute shit out of me.

North since the early noughties have always been a gritty tough side, with sparse gun players (with the inclusion of Harvey, Wells et al) that always gets our number.

It is what shits me about North that makes me envy them also. They play as a team and play for each other more than any other team in recent history. Who in right mind can still believe that they finished 3rd in 07 - they were a long way third behind PA and Geelong, but they faced and passed all challenges put before them with flying colours.

In contradiction, Essendon have spent the last seven years ith a team of champions (Hird, Fletcher, Lloyd etc) and have not played as a team. In 2000 and 2001 they were that team, they had the stars and would have stepped in front of a train for their teammate, a trait that North contain now. Until this current Essendon side learns to play like North we will continue to lose to them and will struggle to get back to finals footy for a while to come. I hope the new coach is putting the plans in place. Mediocrity is not an Essendon trait.

What is the quickest way to Wayne Carey’s heart with Chuck Norris’ fist…

2008-03-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

I put aside some time to write about the rise and fall of Wayne Carey then I realised no one gives a flying f@#k about Wayne Carey.

Cocaine had nothing to do with Wayne Carey being an arsehole. Wayne Carey was an arsehole well before he ever did his first line of Charlie. Wayne Carey will be an arsehole long after he stops taking cocaine and chances are Wayne Carey will die an arsehole.

So instead of wasting any more time on Wayne Carey I have instead undertaken some research on Chuck Norris and found some amazing facts:

• Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People
• Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
• There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
• Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
• Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

Scott Burns was all but killed

2008-03-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

Magpie Skipper in Injury Scare.

Second page of Sunday Herald Sun sport section.

It took two sports journalists to write it.

Being a Collingwood fan I feared the worst.

Scott Burns is older than butter, so any injury might rule him out for a prolonged period of time.

But the injury scare was

“The 33-year-old Pie veteran was bumped legally as he kicked and he hit the turf with a thud.

Burns got up and walked gingerly the five metres to the interchange gate, sending the Collingwood support staff into a scramble.

Luckily, Burns survived the knock, gathering 22 possessions, six marks and six inside-50s in the win.”.

A bump.

A fu(ken bump.

Second page of the sport, for a bump.

Carey is on drugs, Gary junior is defending his brother and Scott Burns gets bumped.

There are two things that concern me here, one is that Collingwood gets so much useless press coverage. But we all know that.

Secondly, that a bump that a player got up from in a practice game gets mentioned.

Remember when players got bumped 6 times a game, and the only ones that made the papers were the ones where the guy didn’t get up.

Eureka! A game drenched in blood…

2008-03-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

I think we have all become quite blasé at the number of “Marketing Games” now played each year. It started with the ANZAC Day game between Collingwood and Essendon, which is now the most anticipated game of the year outside the Final Series.

However what we have now is a series of games, trophy’s and medals that hold little or no significance for the players and public alike.

So it is no surprise that the public seem rather apathetic to the recent announcement by the North Melbourne and Richmond football clubs that they planned a banner game that honors Australian workers in the spirit of Eureka.

Let’s be honest the stand taken by miners at Eureka had more to do with the hatred Irish miners had for the English than it did with workers rights. It is no surprise that Kevin Sheedy, well known for his strong Irish Catholic heritage is behind this concept.

Are we not dancing on dangerous ground when as a society we celebrate and praise those within our ranks who are prepared to take up arms against the government?
If we transposed Eureka to a modern day setting, it would be akin to members of the Lebanese community taking up arms due to continued harassment and discrimination they receive from government departments such as ASIO and Federal Police.

If the North Melbourne and Richmond football clubs wish to celebrate the Eureka Stockade then they must realise they are celebrating the deaths of 5 soldiers who lost their lives at the hands of people we would today describe as terrorists.

Perhaps in 50 years time Port Adelaide and Adelaide will rename the “Showdown” to the “Hicks” in honor of David Hicks and his struggles for justice at the hands of the American government.

I Love This Game

2008-03-10T02:11:00.000-07:00

It was probably halfway through the last quarter of last years Prelim Final (GEEL v COLL) when Uncle J-Rod texted me. It simply said, “This is (expletive) torture!!!” The usually unflappable J-Rod, he of cricket blogging fame and also a Collingwood supporter (is this a good combination?), realized his Pies shouldn’t have been in this game, yet they actually were, which probably was worse in a way. They lost by five points.

---

OK, rewind about four years ago. My junior year of college in the States, where I was doing the college hoops thing, and it was late one Friday night and we had just got done with a grueling preseason conditioning session. Anyway, my mind was 9000 miles away on my Bears, uh, sorry, Lions, who were going for their fourth straight flag – all won while I was out of the country, mind you – against Port.

I called Dad at quarter time: He said Lynchy had gone nuts, throwing haymakers like a drunk outside a bar. I called at halftime: Aka had kept us in it, we were up a point, the dream was still there. I called at three-quarter time: Dad said we were down three goals. We’ll be ok, Vossy won’t let us lose. Anyway, in a panic I called back again 15 minutes later, but we were down six goals. We were done. At about 1am in my dorm room surrounded by about three teammates, I just lost it. Swearing and crying. Crying and swearing. It’s kind of funny now, but it wasn’t then. My teammates sure didn’t understand, why would they, they don’t even know what footy is. Is it like rugby? My point? Footy can be torture.

---

More proof: Big Daddy likes to tell me the story – well, he probably doesn’t, but I like hearing it – of crying on the day of ’01 Grand Final. Before the game, that is! He knew his Bombers (Bombres, in Kimber-speak) were done before the first bounce. His rotten pre-game feeling was justified a few hours later.

---

Final note: I remember a Sunday afternoon in the mid '90s, the Pies were playing the Eagles – yes Sime, a bloody interstate team – at the MCG and it was coming down to the final minutes. What happened next is kinda blurry. All I know is that Sime smashed his radio under our carport while yelling “F**king Jason Ball!” The siren then went. That’s it. That’s all I remember. The Weagles got up, and Sime was borderline suicidal.

Another footy season is here. Enjoy it fellas.

Watch the big men fly as the interests rates go up and up...

2008-03-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

I look back with great fondness to a time when the preseason competition was not just a series of meaningless practice matches but a hotly contested competition played mid-week under lights at VFL Park.

Not only were the games hard fought contests but the competition was sponsored by caring and community minded companies such as WD & HO Wills the tobacco manufacturing subsidiary of Amatil in the guise of the Escort and Sterling Cup.

Who can forget the fantastic jingle “The Big men go up for the great Sterling Cup?”

I can clearly remember the excitement I felt watching the 1981 Escort Cup final between Essendon and Carlton. The family was huddled around the 20 inch television set watching in amazement as Timmy Watson jumped over a pack of 15 bewildered Carlton players to kick a match defining goal, even by mother cheered.

The night series held between the years 1977 to 1987 was played with passion and vigor. Who can forget the calm and poise shown by Kerry Good in the 1980 Escort Cup Grand Final to slot home the winning goal after the siren had sounded. Not only did Kerry have the pressure of winning the game on his shoulders but he also had a throng of Collingwood supporters charging at him yelling and screaming. I don’t know any person in Australia or for that matter the world who would not turn and run at the sight of a rabid pack of Collingwood fans. I know I get scared just looking at Joffa.

But what do the children of this generation get? They get the NAB cup, an insipid and meaningless competition which, only benefits the National Australia Bank to boast about how it has bled middle class Australians dry through excessive fees and charges.

The preseason competition has now sunk to such an appealing depth that coaches are now telling players to not kick a goal. Who in their right mind could imagine David Parkin ever telling Robert Klomp to go forward but not to kick a goal?

How do we fix the preseason competition? Well that is simple. We start by inviting teams such as Glenelg, Norwood, Claremont and Peel Thunder to play. We use the same rules as those in the Premiership season and all games are played under lights at the historic ruins of VFL Park in Waverly. Who cares if VFL Park is now in the middle of overpriced housing development? There would still be more atmosphere and passion in a crowd of 400 at Waverly than in the drunken crowd of 5,000 expats who sat and watched Collingwood and Adelaide in Dubai last month.

the bank cup

2008-03-01T15:39:00.000-08:00

I found it interesting that the media still pretends it takes the bank cup seriously.

It's a pre season cup, Carlton has won it twice with teams you, me and two three legged dogs could push.

It is not meant to be taken seriously.

Paul Roos is not the only coach who doesn't take it seriously, most coaches don't.

There are two reasons to take it seriously.

One, your club is crap, and you know in the real season your gonna get slaughtered every week.

Two, membership is down, got get the cash registers clicking over again.

The herald sun has stated that if Roos is found guilty of trying not to win, by telling McVeigh not to kick a match winning goal, the bank cup may not be taken seriously again.

I feel like I'm 12 again, and I'm watching the wrestling with my mates, they are all mortified with the blatant cheating of some wrestler, and I thought I was watching a staged fight.

The thing that confuses me the most is why Paul Roos told McVeigh not to kick a goal, surely that was a given anyway.

attacking number one

2008-02-25T18:34:00.000-08:00

If I think hard enough, I can sort of remember when football when was a physical sport.

My favourite moment in football was Denis Banks revenge whack on David Rhys Jones.

Hence why I like Brodie Holland, always willing to snot someone for the good of his team.

Now you can add Campbell Brown to that list.

He’s been a thug for a few years, so you have to respect that.

Last year he decided to play footy as well, even better.

This year hasn’t started yet and he has already put the number one draft pick into his pocket.

Tell me the first time Carlton play Hawthorn in a real game of footy Kreuzer won’t be looking over his shoulder like a black Man in Iowa.

And what did Campbell get for his trouble, a nice little 2 week holiday, if hawthorn make the finals of the Bank cup he won’t even miss a real game of football.

Oh and why didn’t Chris Judd give evidence at the hearing in Brown’s defence.

He could have argued that Brown wasn’t at the ground when the incident happened.

If Judd says something is true, then it must be.

Matty Knights will turn us around

2008-02-22T04:09:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
Welcome to Big Daddy's first blog on footyonice, blogging Ben Cousins style (minus the police chases and the tacky tattoos).

Being the avid Essendon supporter that I am, my allegiances lie with whoever is in charge of this great club. Having only served under Sheedy for my entire life, I know no different - was the time right for a change, only time will tell - but in my mind Matty Knights was an inspired choice.

How have I reached this conclusion? Well every Essendon supporter that I have spoken to is resigned to the fact that we'll be no good in 08 and that Knights will lead a sinking ship. My philosophy is, why follow like sheep, I'm gunna be a shepherd and say that Knights will take us to the top eight and we will prove an admirable challenger in the first week of September.

Rarely do opportunities present in my life when I can say that I was right and the majority of the population was wrong - if we're crap it'll be a case of "I told you so..." So I'm going out on a limb, Knights will turn this club around - and I'll be the only one saying "I told you so..."

So Mr Jackson sign up Knighter for years, we're back.

If only I can convince myself.......

the pies captain

2008-02-21T06:58:00.000-08:00

Everyone and their dog is trying to work out who should be Collingwood’s captain.

I’m everyone and a dog, so let me have a go.

Tarkyn Lockyer – sure he isn’t the sexy option, but he is a good footballer, an automatic selection, an honest guy, and he once cracked onto an ex of mine (if we believe her, which we don’t). He is a true blue colloingwood guy, and the players can respect his 100 work ethic.

Scott Burns – he is older than Moses, but he is tougher too. He was born to be captain of Collingwood, but now he is over that, and is really only being thought of because there is no one else.

Scott Pendlebury – no one is a bigger fan on this kid than me, if it were physically possible I’d have his babies, but what is he, like 12 years old, give me a break.

Heath Shaw – he is already the general in the back half, but his name has not been mentioned much for captaincy. He should probably be given the Vice Captaincy, but the main job is out of his reach at the moment.

Nick Maxwell - Does Collingwood want a Richie Vandenbum captaincy. Nick Maxwell is a natural leader, the players love him, the coaches love him, but come selection time, he is not in the automatic first 12. Does a man whose best attributes include shepherding and shouting encouragment really deserve to be captain?

Josh Fraser – Simply cannot be picked as Captain. Casually jogs around the ground, unless there is an open goal square. Constantly lets his man wander free, has never shown any leadership aspirations or or leadership abilities. So why now, because he wants to be the big d1ck in town. Sorry Josh, but you are not what we want or need, and the campaign you are running reeks of desperation and cheap cologne.

My pick is Lockyer, with Scott, Heath and Nick as deputies.

It's not great, but its not Josh or Richie Vandunbum either.

West Coast's non-flying start

2008-02-19T19:36:00.000-08:00

Many West Coast Eagles supporters have strange beliefs systems. Their club can do no wrong, no wrong that's serious at least. Because if it was serious they'd vote with their feet. Testament to this, the number of members who didn't renew their memberships after their revolting 2007 season was minimal.

Forgive and forget hey? For months I've been hearing about how this year will be different and that things are on the up.

Really?

Well, their top draft pick was involved in a drunken fight on the South Perth foreshore on Australia Day. He pleaded guilty to a disorderly conduct charge and has been given a spent conviction. Well done Chris Masten.

He didn't even rock up to court, because apparently he was at training. I'm not convinced that's a good look. I don't think it shows his commitment, I think it shows the arrogance of the West Coast Eagles and their players' continued belief that they are above the law.

His lawyer argued that he should get a spent conviction because the West Coast had fined him and he had received adverse media attention. I think that's bollocks, being answerable to the club (and subsequently the media) is different to being answerable to the law. He should have received the same punishment that any old pleb would have got.

His lawyer also said he's received treatment for alcohol abuse. Clearly West Coast did their research very well before they picked him. Oh but he's done charity work. Jeez you should have said, it's all OK now!

A sign of things to come maybe. I am looking forward to the club's response to the AFL report about the club's off-field antics.

Footy On Ice's Best Pre Season Ever

2008-02-19T16:48:00.000-08:00

Well its been a huge off season for Footy On Ice.

Everyone is flying at training, the whole squad is fitter than they've ever been, membership has gone up 600% on this time last year, and we have a new sponsor.

The young players have come along really well, the older players have returned from the break rejuvenated and the club is confident this is going to be the year.

A few players were stand outs.

Sime is looking solid, I’ve never seen a player looking forward this much to a footy season. Every year he comes back stronger and angrier than the year before. The old Warhorse really wants September glory.

DoubleD has had a troubled off season, but that has only made him hungrier for on field success. This year he has shed his injury problems and is ready to move back into the mid field. If he stays away from the tribunal this will be a big year for him.

Big Daddy has lacked focus over the last few years, but now that he is a father we expect big things from him. This is his first year in a while that he has done a full pre season, and he will be better for it.

Miss Field has been promoted off the rookie list, after we got rid of that dead wood involved in that heroin haul. She has already proved herself to her team mates, now she just wants to play some footy. Her beep test is phenomenal.

Lucky last is the top draft pick Todd, he was a risky selection, but he has a strong history in other sports, we were originally thinking he would be a project player, but he has really impressed us in the practice games and we see no reason not to start the season with him.

As for J rod, he is on his last chance, the hookers were bad, but the sedition charges are a real concern. We have got him help, but now its up to him. He either changes his behaviour or he’s out.

According to page 7 of our 5 year plan, this is the year we are supposed to win the flag, what idiot wrote that.