What is the quickest way to Wayne Carey’s heart with Chuck Norris’ fist…

I put aside some time to write about the rise and fall of Wayne Carey then I realised no one gives a flying f@#k about Wayne Carey.

Cocaine had nothing to do with Wayne Carey being an arsehole. Wayne Carey was an arsehole well before he ever did his first line of Charlie. Wayne Carey will be an arsehole long after he stops taking cocaine and chances are Wayne Carey will die an arsehole.

So instead of wasting any more time on Wayne Carey I have instead undertaken some research on Chuck Norris and found some amazing facts:

• Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People
• Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
• There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
• Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.
• Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
• Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
• Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
• Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
• If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
• Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
• Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
• CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.